Me: so, are you still planing to go to the Flaming Lips and Liz Phair show?
Me: on Friday
Her: if you want me too
Me: of course I do
Me: why wouldn't I want you to?
Her: because i've asked for a break.
Me: when did you do that?
Me: or was it implied
Her: i said in that email that i just needed some space for a bit.
me: ok
me: have I been too pushy?
her: you've been callous....but i understand it.
me: well, I'm sorry about that
me: I was trying to be neutral until I had a chance to talk to you
her: don't be
her: it's sincere, right?
her: so... whatever.
me: what's sincere?
her: you're anger/frustration
me: yes
me: I mean, you have a shitty week, I try to do something nice for you, a surprise, and then I see you with [the ex] and then don't hear from you for four days
me: and not knowing what's up has been eating me up inside
me: so, I've just been assuming that you're done with me, and dealing with that
me: and trying to avoid sobriety as much as possible
her: that's silly
me: I hope I'm wrong
her: i need real time and space to think
her: i never really gave myself that
me: I understand
me: yeah
me: I didn't do a very good job of holding back
her: neither did i
her: it is my own fault
me: well, what is real time for you this time?
her: i dunno
me: are you needing space from [the ex] as well?
me: or just me
her: ha ha
her: i am not romantic with [the ex]
me: ok
me: see, information, this is good
That conversation, appropriately enough, happened a year ago today. I guess we didn't do a good job of having space as in the next two weeks M. went with me to see the Flaming Lips, came out for drinks at Nunu's for my birthday, and I took her to dinner and to see Coldplay at Cox Arena. The concerts, at least, were things that I'd bought the tickets to ahead of time. I probably should have just eaten the cost at that point rather than making "space" a useless concept. By the end of June when I went back to Kansas for a cousins wedding, it looked like M. had figured things out, as we were (at least by some indicators)back together. At least, in one sense, though we never explicitly talked about the status of the relationship. I got back from the wedding to find things had gotten worse again, or back to the disappearing and ignoring communication. Then things would get better after a couple of weeks before repeating the same cycle, until things ended for good in early September.
I guess when you date someone for 6 years, 6 months could be considered a brief time.
Does any of this even matter now? Why bother with water under the bridge. It took a long time to get over M. and the comments above scratched at the scabs that were mostly healed by this point.
I should've walked away with my flowers that afternoon in May and not looked back. That way, I wouldn't have been so emotionally involved at that point, I would've forgon a summers worth of angst, the good memeories would've been less entwined in the bad, and I could've gotten over her and back to being drama-free friends eventually.
M. has an enourmous number of positive characteristics, and I don't regret dating her all, just how things played out. It would've be easier to move on if this weren't the case, but oh well.
I learned long ago that when you assume things, you make an ass out of you and me. So, hopefully, I've learned something from all of this.
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Current Music: The Mountain Goats - Game Shows Touch Our Lives