boyfromks
year in review, emo style, with red wine
19 December 2003 9:39 P.M.
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So, I was reading Pitchfork's end-of-year review of the best singles and albums of 2003, and it got me in an end-of-year mood. I guess 2003 has been like each year before it, filled with some good and some bad. I suppose more good than bad, but it doesn't always feel that way. The year began with great promise, I couldn't wait to return to to San Diego from Kansas. That hope was crushed upon returning to California. I think that set the tone for the rest of the year, not bi-polar in the clinical sense, but good things becoming bad things becoming good things again, and then repeating. I got to know M. really well, which was amazing and wonderful and enlightening and something I cherish, but also received a lot of heartache from her. I suppose I caused some as well. D. called her my on-again-off-again girlfriend, which is about right, although she would disagree with the girlfriend part, thought not the on-again-off-again part. And while I can think of many things I wish would have happend differently, I can't really think of anything that I would do differently if I had the chance to go back and do it again. It's pretty emo to say, I suppose, but sometimes it seems like it's nice to keep feeling some form of the pain, because at least it reminds you of the joy you felt before and hope to feel again, in some way, shape, or form, with someone. Eh, I could keep going, but it'll just annoy M. when she reads this and make D. shake his head at my silliness when he sees it.

On the school front, 2003 ends much as it began, with me still not having an approved dissertation topic. I've made progress. Not enough, but progress at least. I still hope to defend by the end of the winter quarter, so by March, essentially. Of course, once that happens, I still have to write the rest of the damn thing. Ugh.

Other than that, not much else has happened. I still have the beard I started last Christmas. It started out as laziness while I was home, but remained because M. likes facial hair. Traditionally, I ,mix things up with regular, if not frequent, changes. So, a full year is a long time without any changes. Of course, I like the beard as well, so every time I look in the mirror contemplating change, I never do. Of course, since my face seems to be the only place my body likes to grow hair anymore, I suppose I should go with it.

I saw a bunch of great music this year, most of which has been detailed in the diary. It's hard to pick out a favorite, I suppose, so I won't. I've gotten better at playing the guitar myself, and even managed to do some home recording, before DS moved out and took his 8-track with him. The only thing I've asked for for Christmas is money to buy recording equipment of my own, so I hope to do a lot more recording in the new year. Not that I think the songs I write are that good. Mostly whiny boy songs, but, whatever, if Britney Spears can record music, then why not me? Of course, I don't have a record label to pay lots of money for MTV and Clear Channel to push my music down the public's throat. But then again, I don't make music to make money, or even for people to hear. I make it because somewhere, deep inside me, it resides, waiting to get out. It makes me feel better when I make it, and that's enough for me. And if one or two people hear it and like it, well, so much the better.

Hmm, this entry is getting a bit long, and I'm almost to the bottom of my bottle of wine. So, so long 2003, may your even numbered successor be much more enjoyable and successful than you were.
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Current Music: The Decemberists - California Youth and Beauty Brigade

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